A Day in Heaven
I've spoken with many religious folks about what to expect in heaven, and the answer is usually boring, naive, pious, or completely devoid of imagination. I'm told there is no sex, no eating, no recognition of others, just the peace of perfection. Well that's not nearly enough for me. The Muslims are looking forward to 72 virgins. That kind of leaves out the women, and 72 virgins wont last an eternity. Native Americans speak of the happy hunting ground, and I don't like hunting. The Buddhists believe we are reincarnated as something or someone else, i.e. rocks, roaches, or even poor people for god's sake!
Then there is the question of who will make it to heaven, Mormons, Jehovah Witnesses, Catholics, Buddhists, Hindus, Baptists, Muslims, Methodists, Jews ... In my humble opinion all the people that god likes will be received into heaven. It has nothing to do with good works, lots of praying, tithing, or commandments. Look at the Biblical folks that were in god's good graces, David, Solomon, Noah, all cut ups, yet I think we can agree they are probably in heaven. It's real simple if god finds you amusing you have made the cut, if not you are toast. So practice up on your singing, dancing, and comedy routines.
Back to the subject at hand. A day in heaven, because no one was able to cite a good representative day in heaven that I found pleasing I have outlined one of my own as follows.
- 11:00 am - Rise
- 11:00 am to Noon - Shit, shower, and shave Noon to 2:00pm - Eat Brunch (I never really liked breakfast)
- 2:00pm to 3:00pm - Have ménage et tois with a couple of babes
- 3:00 pm to 4:00pm - Cocktail Hour - Smoke Marlboro Reds and drink Black Label Scotch
- 4:00 pm to 6:00 pm - Sail my Hobiecat 18'
- 6:00 pm to 7:00 pm - Cocktail Hour - Smoke Marlboro Reds and drink Black Label Scotch
- 7:00 pm to 9:00 pm - Supper
- 9:00 pm to 10:00 pm - Watch Andy Griffith reruns (Only those with Barney)
- 10:00 pm to Midnight - 2 more ménage et tois' with hotter babes
- Midnight to 11:00 am - Peaceful sleep of the innocent
- AND THEN THERES TOMORROW!